The Face of the Confessor
by LOTSloverCSS
Summary: As a Confessor, she had always been trained to hide her true emotions behind her mask, her “Confessor face”. Can Richard break through to find out what she hides behind the mask?
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** The Face of the Confessor

**Author: **LOTSoflove

**Characters: **Richard Cypher & Kahlan Amnell

**Rating: **PG-13

**Timeline:** After Revenant

**Story Type: **Drama/Angst/Romance

**Spoilers: **Could be if you haven't seen all episodes leading up to & including Revenant

**Summary: **As a Confessor, she had always been trained to hide her true emotions behind her mask, her "Confessor face". Can Richard break through to find out what she hides behind the mask?

"Love isn't something to fear, Kahlan" Richard said.

"For me, it is" Kahlan replied, trepidation weighing heavily in her blue eyes.

They rode their horses in silence after that, each deep in thought as they attempted to sort through the avalanche of thoughts and feelings that were threatening to weigh them down. The events of the day had opened up new fears and a painful reminder of a love that could never be. Each struggled internally with how best to deal with the feelings they were experiencing, the grief they felt over the love they held for each other that could never be expressed.

For Kahlan, she was more resolute than ever to keep her love for Richard bound deep down inside her heart, to keep it hidden no matter how painful it was for her. It should be an easy enough task as she had been instructed her whole life to bury her feelings, to not be ruled by her emotions. She had been taught to wear her 'Confessor's face', a face that was devoid of any and all emotions. It was a face that gave no inkling to what lay beneath the surface or in the heart. It kept everyone at arm's length and gave the Confessors an air of mystery that also instilled fear in the hearts of everyone they came in contact with.

At an early age, Kahlan had been instructed to not allow her emotions to get in the way of her duty. The life of the Confessor was one of service to the people of the Midlands. Her life, her desires, her dreams were all insignificant compared to the welfare of the Midlands. So, in following the example of Confessors before her, Kahlan had learned to build a thick wall around her heart in order to protect it at all cost. The wall was not only meant to keep her own feelings from escaping and overcoming reason, but it also functioned well to keep others from getting in, from getting too close.

The wall had also been constructed out of necessity. It was necessity of protection from the father who used her for his own malicious purposes. The wall protected her from the pain, the fear, the abuse she endured at the hands of her father. Because of him, she learned well enough not to trust anyone for any reason. The rope went around her wrists, her legs…and the wall grew higher and thicker.

The wall had functioned well, allowing her to perform her duties as Confessor and eventually in traveling to Westland in search of the Seeker. In the Midlands, everyone knew she was a Confessor by the length of her hair and white dress she wore. And everyone feared her. Some stared out of curiosity, but usually few made eye contact with her and the ones that did, did not do so for long. There were a handful that accepted her and even called her 'friend', but there was always a subconscious underlying fear, a tension that permeated the air. Deep down in her heart, behind the way that protected it, she longed for a friend that truly accepted her, who wasn't afraid of her and what she could do. At times when she was lonely, she even dared to dream about a true, pure love with a man who wasn't her confessed mindless slave. But then the sound of her mother's voice from the past would float like a ghost through her mind, reminding her of her duty. Kahlan would then silently berate herself for her foolish, selfish thoughts…and the wall would grow that much higher, that much thicker.

Then she met Richard Cypher. He was unlike anyone she had ever met or known before. He was not afraid of her, afraid of touching her, or being close to her. It was something she had never experienced before. He was handsome, full of life and wonder, kind and compassionate…and not frightened by her. Instead, he was intrigued and captivated by her.

At first, it had sparked in her an interest in him that quickly began to grow into something more. The seed of fascination quickly took root in her heart; growing into a precious friendship that cultivated into something much deeper. It was becoming love. It began to escalate and intensify beyond her control as it began winding its way like a vine up and around the wall, threatening to break it down. She couldn't seem to stop it, at times wondering if she truly wanted to stop it. The way Richard looked at her with those chestnut brown eyes made her feel so beautiful, so special. Kahlan especially loved the sidelong glances he gave her when she thought she wasn't paying attention or when she would wake up to find him staring at her. He would always quickly look away, blushing slightly with a small sheepish smile on his face. It always caused a warm rush to wash over her, bringing a little flutter to heart. No one had ever caused such feelings to stir her soul nor had anyone ever looked at her like Richard did.

She never wanted these feelings she felt inside for him to end. She was afraid that if Richard really knew or understood her powers, he would push her away, would no longer look at her the same way again. The thought struck terror to her core. She didn't want to go back to the way it had been for her before; a life with no companionship, no happiness, no love. That was why she just wanted to taste his lips, just once. Not only had he kissed her, but she had then kissed him back, passionately, fiercely, letting as much of herself go as she could possibly allow without confessing him right then and there. For once, she was a real woman, a woman who was with a man. A man and a woman sharing and expressing what they felt for each other. It had all ended much too quickly when she began to feel her powers igniting within her. She had pulled back in fear and guilt, secretly berating herself for allowing her feelings to cloud her judgment. She was a Confessor who had just allowed her feelings to interfere with her duties. Ashamed, she pushed him away…and the wall got a little higher and little thicker.

Kahlan had eventually revealed her feelings to Richard, seeing a small smile of relief gracing his lips at the admission. She had quickly insisted that their feelings be buried; they had to think of the mission. And again, the Confessor face came out to mask the feelings she had to bury deep down behind the wall. Even with the mask, her feelings still managed to make itself known in small ways.

Those feelings of love and desire came pouring out when Darken Rahl had put a spell on Richard in order to find the Boxes of Orden. The terrifying fear of losing him forever, forced her to tell Richard the truth of what she held secretly inside. Kahlan, with tears streaming down her face, admitted her true feelings to Richard, telling him she loved him, that she had never wanted that kiss to end.

Richard had told Kahlan later that he had felt her love for him, that through it all nothing had been more real to him than her. She smiled her special smile, the smile that she gave only to him, to the only one she ever loved. He hadn't heard her profession of love, but had felt it. She could still hide and be protected behind her wall.

But then they had been possessed by Kieran and Viviane. The feelings that she kept hidden came flooding forth in a tidal wave of love, desire, passion, and lust. Sharing her body with Viviane, Kahlan no longer had control over the wall, over her emotions. It was like a damn broken loose. Reason, duty, the mission, all became washed way in the flood. They no longer mattered. All that mattered in that moment was them and the love they were burning to share with each other.

The taste of his lips, the feel of his hands on her warm flesh, the desire for her that burned in his eyes, was exhilarating. She had finally been free to give herself fully to him and to not have to think about the consequences. Viviane was in control…or was Kahlan. It all became so confusing who exactly was in control in the heat of their passion for the one they loved, the two Confessors acting as one. It was difficult to know where one began and the other ended, where one's love started and the other's continued.

Then Zedd had burst in and stopped them from consummating their love for each other. He had driven the spirits out that had possessed them. Realization and reason quickly took over desire and passion. The graveness of what had almost happened weighed heavily on Kahlan's heart and mind. She had almost destroyed the one she loved more than her own life. She once again berated herself for failing Richard, for failing her duties, for disgracing the Confessors that had gone on before her. What was happening to her? She use to be so strong, so in control of her emotions.

Every since Richard, she was having greater and greater difficulty keeping her emotions in check, keeping a tight grip on her heart. But now the Confessor's face was in place once again…and the wall became even higher, even thicker as she rode her horse beside the one she loved more than anything, the one she wanted nothing more than to give her heart to, her body and soul to. She swallowed back the lump in her throat and the tears that threatened to rise up inside her. She risked a sidelong glance to Richard riding beside her as she wondered what he was thinking…

To be continued…


	2. Chapter 2

**The Face of the Confessor ****(Chapter 2)**

As he rode in silence beside Kahlan, events of the day and the months leading up to it replayed themselves over in Richard's mind, creating a whirlwind of emotions. He had to find a way to show Kahlan she didn't have to be so scared of love, of him.

He had quickly learned Kahlan's strength and determination when he first met her and the D'Haran soldiers who were chasing her. Together they had eliminated the threat only to be found on the wrong end of Kahlan's dagger. He had been taken aback by her mistrust as he had just rescued her. She was so beautiful and so mysterious. He was immediately intrigued and captivated by her, but he soon recognized there were things that went on behind the mask of the Confessor, the mask that Kahlan hid behind. Someone had hurt her…deeply.

He was gradually able to gather clues to the mystery called Kahlan while trying to earn her trust and friendship. Richard could see the barrier Kahlan had worked so hard to build around her heart, and at times the pain and loneliness she held in her eyes, but it did not deter him. Instead, it just made him that much more determined to find out who had hurt her and why.

As his friendship grew so did his feelings for the Confessor. Richard also began to see more glimpses of what Kahlan held close to her heart, things that others never even got a hint of. He was more than overjoyed that she trusted him enough at times to allow him closer access to her. He was also hurt when the Confessor mask came out, denying him access to her heart, causing him to collide into the barrier she had erected.

His first glimpse of her heart came on Chase's porch when he had gone out to check on her. He found her standing on the porch, staring out at the starry night sky, a tear trailing down her cheek. Richard thought he'd never seen anything so beautiful in his entire life. He wanted so badly to take her in his arms and comfort her, but he knew she would never allow him. He didn't want to frighten her, cause her to push him away or pull herself further behind the wall she had built. He saw a hint of what built part of that wall when Kahlan had told him her parents and Dennee were gone, that she was alone. He knew her pain as he had previously with his mother and now recently with his father experienced the loss himself. They felt a connection, a bond through their personal loss…and Richard began to scale the forbidding wall before him.

The Confessor's face was never more evident than when Richard attempted to help Lilly rescue her brother. They certainly did not see eye to eye on that predicament. After ending up Lilly's prisoner, Richard struggled to be free from the chains that held him so he could go back for Kahlan, only to be rescued by her in the end. Richard had apologized for not listening to her, for not trusting her. He recognized the hurt in her eyes that broke through the mask she held so carefully in place. In the beginning, he had thought it had just been resentment, that she had felt threatened by Lilly, but now he knew that it was more than that. Richard was one of only a handful of people that Kahlan trusted and he hadn't shown her that same trust in return. By the end of the day, he had the pleasure of receiving Kahlan's unique smile. The one she saved just for him and no one else. It was Kahlan's little way of letting him know he was special to her, a small link to her heart. To Richard, it was his lifeline through the barricade surrounding her heart.

Their adventure with Renn proved to bring about his greatest insight about Kahlan. All he had wanted to do was tie the little brat up to make him mind them. Kahlan's reaction to the rope had been completely unexpected. He was stunned by her insistence that Renn was not going to be tied up. It was not like he was going to beat the kid, although he may have been tempted a couple of times. The look of horror in Kahlan's eyes told him there was more behind it than she was willing to reveal. It wasn't until Kahlan was tending to his wounded arm that the mask dropped and the tears fell as she retold the heartbreak of her childhood. The horrors of being tied up by her father, the fear that rope had infused in her. It had broken his heart to see her pain, but another piece of the puzzle had just fallen into place…and he climbed the wall a little bit higher.

It wasn't until their horses were stolen and they ended up in a street fight with some thugs in Drundril that Richard truly saw what Kahlan's powers could do to people. He hadn't understood why Rymus had been looking at Kahlan the way that he did. It made his skin crawl and his blood pulsate with anger…and made him more than a little jealous. Richard tried to pry information out of Zedd about Kahlan's powers, but he had skirted the conversation with vague explanations, finally telling Richard he would have to talk to Kahlan. He was more determined than ever to find out about the mystery of Kahlan and her powers; he had a right to know. He was falling for this woman and he had to know why this man was following her around like a lovesick schoolboy. It wasn't until after waking up from the potion and finding Zedd gone that Kahlan reluctantly explained the consequences of using her powers, how these men became mindless slaves hopelessly in love with her. Even with her Confessor face firmly set in place, Richard could see the hurt and regret in her eyes for what her powers cost others.

Richard knew there was more to her Confessor's magic than what she had told him. He was just beginning to understand the burden of her powers, how the lives it affected weighed heavily on her heart, how lonely her life has been. It made him more determined than ever to break through the fortification around her heart. It also made him fall that much more in love with her. She deserved so much more than just her duties as a Confessor; she deserved a real life…she deserved love. His love. He wanted to protect her, to save her from any more heartache, show her true and everlasting love. With renewed resolve, Richard began to climb higher.

The Seeker also recognized something had changed in Kahlan after his "brief" marriage to Bronwyn. He was packing his bag when he noticed something in Kahlan. It was…a renewed sense of sadness. Richard paused and asked her if she was alright, hoping she would open up to him, that he would get a glimpse of her heart through the cracks he prayed he was making in her walls. Instead, the Confessor's face immediately went up and she brushed the moment aside, telling him she was fine. There was something going on in her heart, but she wasn't going to let him see it. He hoped she'd let him in soon. He ached to hold her, to tell her how he felt, to kiss her, to be with her.

The moment came sooner than he expected when he woke Kahlan from a nightmare. She was overcome with fear about the prophecy that Shota had told them, terrified she would hurt Richard. His attempts at reassuring her ended in a sweet kiss. A kiss that turned fierce, passionate, and hungry for more. Kahlan had abruptly ended that kiss, pulling away from him as the Confessor's mask appeared out of nowhere, reinforcing the walls surrounding her damaged heart. He had seen her heart, had briefly gotten through the wall. He was confident he was getting through to her, that she shared his feelings. But this time, the mask stayed up, telling him that she did not share his feelings. Richard was stunned, crushed, confused. He knew she had feelings for him. He had felt it in the passion of that kiss last night. He had felt her mutual desire, her longing. Now she was running from him, leaving him. Had he pushed her too soon?

But then came Denna…and the revelation about Kahlan and her magic. His Confessor could never know true love, could never know his love. He would never be able to express his love for her; she could never feel her lover's touch, at least not without losing himself completely. Richard had been absolutely devastated to hear the truth, the pieces of the puzzle finally falling into place. What was worse was that he had to learn it from Denna, not the woman he loved. After being rescued by Kahlan, they had been able to talk, Kahlan admitting that what Denna had told him was true. With the mask gone, Richard was able to see Kahlan, see her heart, her love for him. It sent a warm rush through his heart, but at the same time shattered it, knowing that they could never express their love for each other. He could never be with her. With the admittance of love, came the reappearance of the familiar Confessor's face. It saddened Richard to see Kahlan pull herself back behind her wall, but understood the necessity as he now had to also bury his feelings.

As time passed, Richard's feelings kept growing, his heart swelling with love for his Confessor despite trying to bury them. His growing love only solidified his determination to breakdown the barricade Kahlan had erected. Renewed tenacity set in his heart and in his mind. He would find a way; somehow he and Kahlan would be together…someday.

That time came sooner than expected when he and Kahlan were possessed by the spirits of Kieran and Viviane. It was Richard's body, but Kieran was in complete control…or was he? Richard could see what Kieran was doing, what he was thinking and feeling. It gave him insight into Kieran the past Seeker and the man who loved Viviane. It also caused his love for Kahlan to explode inside himself, to come rushing forth in heated desire. The taste of her lips, the warm feel of her soft skin beneath his touch, the unbridled passion that smoldered in her eyes urging him on. He had dreamed of this moment, had wanted to be with her for so long. Richard had wanted this more than anything he had ever wanted in his entire life, but he wanted it to be a shared experience with Kahlan and only Kahlan, not with spirits. And definitely not in a tomb.

He quickly found himself untying her dress, pushing it past her shoulders. She pulled his shirt off, caressing his back, tasting his lips. He knew he needed to stop this. He was taking advantage of Kahlan. She was not in control…neither was he and yet he felt himself planting warm, wet kisses on her neck, lifting her onto the tomb. She pulled her skirt up, untying his sword from his waist. He had to stop this. He wanted her so badly. Kieran, passion, reason all fought for control of his mind.

Then Zedd broke through the door and stopped them from consummating the love they so desperately wanted to share with each other. With Kieran driven from his body and mind, realization of what almost occurred swept over him as well as…regret. Regret for having tasted what he wanted most and yet could not have.

Now, riding next to the one he loved, the one who again wore the face of a Confessor, resolve set like granite in his heart and mind. He swore he would find a way for them to be together someday. Richard risked a sidelong glance at the beautiful Confessor next to him, love pounding stronger than ever in his heart. And he knew it was definitely well worth the climb…


End file.
